Coming out to myself was so much more gratifying than coming out to society. First, I gave myself license to dress and act exactly how I wanted, and then it was like I took that away when I labeled myself outwardly. I was suddenly so concerned about presenting nonbinary, which because I am AFAB, meant presenting pretty masculinely. I felt like — if I wore makeup, for example — I was undoing all the nonbinary-validity I had accumulated in society. I had to do a lot of reflecting on what was actually going to make me happy.
Ultimately, having top surgery has allowed me to feel much more comfortable in my skin. And it also makes it easier to do more traditionally-feminine things and not feel dysphoria. I love wearing winged eyeliner and a tight t-shirt that allows you to see my flat chest and fake nipples. Confusing strangers is a goal, sure. But mostly I love not feeling confused when I look at myself in a mirror. Really seeing myself is the most gratifying thing in the world.
Nonbinary immigration attorney born and raised in the Bay Area.
Gender Id/Pronoun : They / Them
Age : 26
Location : Oakland, CA
