I grew up in a conservative evangelical christian world where I chose to stay even when I left my parents’ home for college – there’s nothing like the safety of a list of strict rules and a clear consequence for not following them. It turns out, though, that being told from your earliest days that you are entirely incapable of any good on your own apart from “god” and that it’s really only because “god” feels “grace” for you that you have access to anything good at all and will be “saved” from eternal damnation in hell, can be really traumatizing for a human.
I’m turning 31 years old this year and I am only now aware what it really can feel like to be in my own body, to be present more often than dissociated, to check in with myself about whether I really want or don’t want some food or experience or conversation or date or relationship. It sounds nice to be liberated to choose for myself, on the surface of it, that’s a part of what we are fighting for on a much larger scale – collective liberation.
James Baldwin wrote “I have met only a very few people who had any real desire to be free. Freedom is hard to bear.” And he explains that while people draw distinctions between political freedom and spiritual freedom, “political institutions of any nation are always menaced and are ultimately controlled by the spiritual state of that nation.”
I want freedom for others because I believe their bodies and minds can be trusted – I want to believe mine can too.
I’m figuring out who I am and I find it changes often.
Gender Id/Pronoun : They/Them, nonbinary
Age : 31
Location : East Bay
