I like taking up space. I like standing out. I like asking folks to consider their assumptions about me. I’m a vintage dandy. I’m a sea witch. I’m queer. I’m fat. I’m anxious. I’m a lipstick enthusiast. I’m very fond of octopuses. I wear a lot of dresses and pearls. I’m powerful. Someone once told me that I look like a Hogwarts professor and it made my day (year? life?). I’m not sure if any of this is about gender? Or maybe all of it is?
I have put a lot of energy into hiding my softer parts behind a protective armor of sharpness and certainty and aggression. I love my armor and know that it serves me well, but I also find it very isolating and painful. Recently I’ve been working on allowing my softness to show through more. I hope to always have my armor, but I’d like to be able to choose when to wear it and when to set it aside.
Fort Bragg, CA