As a young queer in the 70s, I listened to more experienced dykes who labeled me as femme, as in, “not really butch”. Now I realize that those were the same second wave queer feminists who were so attached to the gender binary, many of them became TERFS. I was young and newly out; I thought they knew better. So I didn’t examine their limited bullshit back then, and I abandoned my authentic self – the self who had since childhood fully expected to become a man somehow by the time I reached adulthood. Even in sexual fantasies I was male – the tall, broad-shouldered, “aw shucks, m’am” – version of manhood from 1950s TV.
This body was to disappoint me, but not enough to make me want to change it, because now, as with every other self-expression in my life, I know I exist, and perform, along a spectrum. I also know that on the other end of my personal spectrum could be a high-femme drag queen. That spectrum is not simply feminine on one end and masculine on the other. I don’t claim to know what those terms mean. That “high-femme drag queen” feels very “masculine” to me in many ways. I feel “feminine” randomly, usually as part of an attraction to another, complementary person. This has very little to do with appearance, as far as I’m concerned, but as I’ve aged I’ve noticed I do cause more confusion in passersby. Recently a small child called out to me as I walked by, “Are you a girl?” I blurted without a thought, “Uh, sorta.”
Bisexual/Non Binary Human
66 years old